If you’ve read pretty much any page on this website, you will already know that my number one thing on this list will be skydiving.
However, that’s not the only thing on my no no list. Remember, my Bucket List has rules, and rule number six is, ‘it’s your list’. Don’t let other people’s opinions or views change what goes on it unless you feel you’ve come to that decision yourself or I guess if you as a person change.
With over 370 things on my list at the time of writing, I bet some of you will be thinking “god, is there actually anything he won’t do?” – but there are at least five.
Let’s have a look.
#5 Go Hunting
Before we get into it, I’m not counting fishing as hunting. There are two entries on my list that involve this, and in both instances, all I plan to do is catch the fish as safely as possible, take a photo and return them to the lake or sea.
What I mean by hunting is shooting to kill things for sport like elephants, lions, giraffes or to be honest, I wouldn’t even shoot a deer or pheasant.
The ONLY time I feel this is acceptable is when it is for food, and even then, there probably shouldn’t be a supermarket within about 100 miles. I know animals are slaughtered every day to keep up with the majority of the planet’s carnivorous lifestyle, and I am one of those people at the time of writing.
I do have it on my list to try going vegan for a month, and you never know, it might go on for longer, but right now, I simply don’t have the will power to resist something like a steak or a burger.
For the record, anyone who is a vegetarian or vegan has my full support and respect. I wish I had your will power.
#4 Take part in a protest
Hear me out, this may not be what you initially think.
I am not ruling out taking part in a protest at all.
There are many causes and world issues that I feel strongly about, and if ever required to, I would join in on a demonstration. I will NOT, however, add it to my Bucket List.
I feel that would dilute the seriousness of the topic I am campaigning for (or against) and people may just think I’m doing it to tick something off, which wouldn’t be the case at all.
#3 Eat something alive
There are actually two levels of horror in this for me. The first is, imagine if that was you, you’ve been served on a plate and someone is either going to slowly cut you up or shove you in their mouth, only to then be crunched up and swallowed. If the person did not chew properly, you’d then be in total darkness as you slowly drown while being digested in stomach acid – it won’t matter whichever kills you first, both are utterly horrifying.
The second is, if I put food in my mouth, I do not want there to be a possibility of it biting me, crawling out or even letting out a little whimper.
I know that eating things live is natural. A shark, for example, does not kill the seal and then eat it, it just takes a massive bite. The thing is, a shark is one of the most brutal killing machines on the planet, and I like to think us human beings, can be a little more merciful.
#2 Try a ghost chilli
BBQ flavoured pringles on a bad day are too spicy for me. I just cannot fathom how anyone can like both the physical and mental torture of spicy food.
My girlfriend says, “it’s all about the flavour babe” – What flavour?! All I taste is pain!
It also wipes out any other taste in your mouth and any future taste for the rest of that meal. To me, if you order spicy food on purpose, you might as well just have the spice on a plate, because you won’t get any joy out of the rest of the ingredients anyway.
Let’s not shy away from the topic either, it burns when you put it in, and burns when it comes out. Why would you do this to yourself?!
A Ghost chilli is said to be one of the spiciest of them all, rating over one million on the Scoville scale of heat (there’s something on that scale called pure capsaicin which is the stuff that makes chillis’ spicy and that has a rating of over 15 million!). It’s so spicy that chefs that cook with it have to wear gloves in case they touch it and then touch their faces.
There is nothing, I repeat, nothing that would make me try one.
#1 Go skydiving
A while ago I posted out on Facebook, asking people what would never go on their Bucket List. I mentioned that mine would be skydiving, and that the only way I would do it, was if I was either dead or I raised a stupid amount for charity, like £10,000.
One friend did comment with a 'just giving' page he'd created, hoping to raise £10,000 to get me to do it. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice so I don’t think it ever raised a penny, but I am a man of my word, so when and if I do reach a total of £10,000 raised, I’ll probably take this one on - but it's still not going on the list!
If that ever does happen, I will probably refer to this blog a lot. I cannot tell you how scary the idea of jumping out of a plane is to me, even with someone else doing all the hard work.
We as a species, do not have wings, that is why we invented planes. The only thing separating you from certain death are multiple bits of fabric. Fabric!
This would honestly be my thought process on the plane before my inevitable death by splat:
Why am I doing this? Can I get out of this? Maybe I should take the pilot hostage and force him to land. Why is everyone else so happy? I am 100% going to be sick.
*Then the door opens*
F*** F*** F*** F*** F*** F*** F*** F*** F***
I sit on the edge of the open door, real tears of sadness dripping from my cheeks. No more thoughts, just sobbing. I don’t even want to think of the horrors of actually falling.
Well, that was my five things that are never ever, ever, ever, going on my Bucket List and why. What are yours?